Nirbhaya in Kerala
- In
- 12:21 PM, May 06, 2016
- M P Sivasubramanian
This week has begun with the shocking news of yet another daughter of ours being brutally raped and murdered in Kerala. Unfortunately, every other day we hear about rapes in some part of the country or the other, but what is shocking in this incident is the cruelty that has been inflicted on the girl. The demonic manner in which violence was inflicted on her almost equals Nirbhaya’s shocking rape and murder.
While politicians are taking this opportunity to blame their rivals, ordinary citizens are outraged and shocked and while the police are groping in the dark as to who the perpetrator is, another incident of rape has occurred in the same state, Kerala. It is easy to blame everyone and in the process end up blaming none. It is also very much evident that there is no one solution to prevent such incidents. We have seen that even in countries where the police system is very efficient there is no dearth of such cases. The police or the politicians cannot stop or reduce these incidents. What, then, can be done to stop or reduce these brutal incidents? Hardly anything, unfortunately, is the answer. The change has to happen slowly, and that too from the society. Before we go into the solution we need to see what is triggering these incidents.
Human beings have not changed physically or mutated in the last few millenniums. So how come these incidents are increasing day by day. Why is it that the lust or desire has increased to such a level that we are willing to indulge in any unlawful activity just to satisfy that urge? What has happened to restraint? Ours is not a culture that treats sex or physical desire as taboo. We celebrate Kamasutra. We also celebrate the attaining of puberty of a girl in a big manner. We accept that sex is a natural thing and every human desires it and needs gratification. So, what has changed?
We will all agree that the amount of titillating or sensual images we are bombarded with, have been increasing every day. What was talked in the privacy of our bedroom is being spoken openly, with no concern for how it might affect the persons listening to it. What is shown in the media is becoming more and more explicit. With the free availability of internet, the amount of content, that is of a sensual nature, accessible to us has increased manifold. It is not just sex that we are being exposed to constantly but also the kind of violence that we have not seen before.
People may argue that what is hidden triggers more curiosity. I agree. But, for a person to learn or know something he needs to achieve a certain age and maturity. If you teach a 5-year-old to drive, it is bound to end up in an accident. In the same manner, we should expose our children to sex at the right age and in the right manner.
In addition to the above, is the way in which women are more and more, being portrayed as objects meant just for physical pleasure. In many of the movies and TV serials they are being shown as objects that are meant to be dominated over by men and enjoyed for their pleasure. Sadly, women are not averse to appearing in this manner, be it in advertisements or in movies. Even the ads for products, which don’t require a human presence, are seen to have half clad women in them. All this only go to make a man feel that she is just an object meant to satisfy his desires. And when this is not available easily, he dares to possess it by force.
While I stress the need for moderation in what is being shown in the media with regard to sex and violence, I also sadly understand that this is something that is almost impossible to implement. We live in a society and times, where there is clamour for more freedom of expression and less censorship of any manner. For their own selfish interests nobody in the media is going to ever allow any kind of restriction on what is being shown to the public. We have seen that the restraint in what is being shown is enforced by law and not voluntarily followed by those who produce it.
I know there is no single or fast solution to this problem. What needs to be done has to be done at home and in schools. There were times when moral science was taught in school. Children had grandparents who told them what is good and bad. Today parents hardly talk to children, nor do they supervise as to what their children see or whom they mingle with. While daughters are brought up with some sort of restraint, the sons are let loose. In many families the sons are made to believe that they are a superior and that whatever they want will become theirs. This makes them grow up to take by force what they can’t get otherwise. It is the duty of the mothers to teach their sons that the daughters are their equals and deserve to be treated with respect. Parents should treat both the male and female children equally and be an example for the children.
Parents also should behave in such a manner as to be role models for their children. In a household where the father regularly beats or abuses the mother, the children grow up to believe that this is normal. The sons will take it as natural to dominate over girls and the daughters will assume that it is their role to be submissive and to give in to any demand made by a man. It is not just in rural India but even in the cities that we see women accept being dominated by their husbands as natural. Such a feeling that a woman will accept the domination makes men bolder to indulge in rapes.
Our scriptures have enough stories about people who have been destroyed because of their lust and greed. These need to be told to children at a young age. What is heard or learnt at very young age is instilled in your mind. Schools need to teach moral science along with scientific sex education. Children need to be made to understand that desire should be controlled and that you have to make yourself qualified to get what you desire. They should understand that everything out there is not for them to snatch. There also needs to be supervision on what they see and hear, and whom they mingle with. Girls, at a very young age, should be taught to identify a wrong look or touch by anyone, including their family members.
We can only wish that the society will learn from these incidents and bring up their children in a way that they rein in their desires. They should also be taught to respect the wishes of another individual and to understand that what is not theirs cannot be possessed by force
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